“We might ask ourselves the question whether selfish people can truly love and the honest answer is that selfish people can never truly love because they will be less willing to compromise,” he said, and added, “This will inevitably lead to one partner giving more of themselves than the other does.”
Selfishness can also mean that we hate others as we are ruthlessly striving to satisfy our own needs, Archbishop Mpambani further said.
The member of the Congregation of Priests of the Sacred Heart (SCI) went on to describe jealousy in marriage as “a destructive emotion” that does not foster happiness in relationships owing to “insecurity and suspicion” the emotion seems to trigger.
“Jealousy in marriage is a destructive emotion; it has a potential to suffocate a happy relationship and break down the happiness that was there,” Archbishop Mpambani said during his virtual address September 20.
He added, “Jealousy can cause one to experience a range of feelings from insecurity and suspicion to rejection, fear, anger, lack of trust and anxiety.”
Sometimes, jealousy can be confused with love, the South African Archbishop said, and used the example of a couple that used to accompany each other wherever they went in what they thought was real love to illustrate his point.
“Actually, it was the wife who was over jealous and the husband had to compromise for the sake of the relationship. It became very clear that relationship was not genuine at all,” the 64-year-old Archbishop recounted.
However, he added in reference to the two spouses whose marriage was marked by jealousy emotion, “as soon as they became aware of their pretentious relationship, they worked hard and managed to shake that jealousy off.”
“Today, they are a genuine happy couple, and they enjoy the absence of one person from the other, honest trust and true love. Jealousy is very unhealthy,” the Local Ordinary of Bloemfontein said during the SACBC marriage awareness campaign organized under the theme, “Selfishness and Jealousy in Marriage.”
Jealous people feel so overwhelmed by their emotions and insecurity that they begin exerting control over their partners, Bishop Mpambani said during the September 20 session of the marriage awareness weeks, an initiative that kicked off August 22.
