“Parents are not present”: Catholic Archbishop in Kenya Cautions against “remote parenting”

“We ourselves had parents who were there all the time, parents who perhaps did not listen much, but they understood us and tried to get into our hearts. They were there, and so they experienced us in good deeds and in bad deeds,” he said.

Archbishop Muheria pointed to some factors contributing to remote and irresponsible parenting, noting that some parents and guardians today have very small families, sometimes only one child, which can make them less available and less engaged.

Reflecting on the advantages of larger families, the Catholic Church leader recalled how, in the past, family members related closely with one another.

“When we were many, it was in such a way that by talking to one another we built each other up in twos, threes, fives, eights,” he said.

He explained that in such settings, families had the strength to nurture, teach, and learn from one another, and parents were naturally compelled to be close.

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“You cannot have five children and be distant because that would be ruined,” he added, claiming that current parents and guardians have failed in journeying with their children, especially the youths.

The Local Ordinary of Nyeri Archdiocese urged Kenyan parents and guardians to walk with their children in all stages of their lives, saying, “When the children are small, at a young age, when the children enter secondary schools, senior school, we need to walk with them as they transition into adulthood.”

He encouraged parents to be patient with the youths when they make mistakes and guide them appropriately, rather than criticizing, cursing, pushing, and even complaining about them at all times.

“Parenting is walking with the youths, inviting them to be together in things that perhaps we do not understand, that we do not like very much, but they like,” he said, adding, “Our youths are not bad–hearted; our youth do not have a problem. Our youth are ready to do good and follow our ways.”

Referring to the message of St. John to the young people, he urged parents and guardians to “hear them, encourage and advise them in the right way,” especially those who stay away from home.

Recalling his recent encounter with the students of Mount Kenya University (MKU), Archbishop Muheria urged parents and guardians to take advantage of any opportunity they get to talk to the young people.

“I had a very good opportunity to talk to our youths. They have a pure spirit; they have a spirit that listens. They want advice that encourages them, not advice that breaks them. Let us get used to talking to them,” he said.

The Kenyan member of Opus Dei underscored the importance of parental guidance, calling upon parents and guardians to be available in their children’s lives during the exploration period, where young people experience several challenges, such as peer pressure.

“It is true they are attracted to the things of the world. It is just because of their youthfulness that they seek what fills their hearts. If we do not give them the opportunity and walk with them, then they will be misled,” he said.

Archbishop Muheria went on encourage youths to embrace their elders’ mentorship positively, saying, “Beloved youth, we love you very much, but we want to walk with you, to give you that strength to fight evil. We want to walk with you, to light the strength to do good.”

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He cautioned youths against worldly pleasures, urging them to “stand firm in faith.”

Sabrine Amboka is a Kenyan journalist with a passion for Catholic church communication. She holds a bachelor’s degree in mass communication from St. Paul's University in Kenya.